On Grief
Tending grief through community and earth care
Our first journal entry is a big one..
For this first newsletter, we’re going to dive straight in with a theme that has been so painfully apparent in the last year: grief.
Watching an unimaginable horror unfold in front of our eyes - I am of course talking about the destruction of the people and land in Gaza and the occupation of the whole of Palestine - has brought many of us to our knees in desperation and grief. How can something so evil, so inhumane happen while the whole world is watching? How can leaders all over the world (well, mostly the rich West) sit by and do nothing, while they unfold their new political agenda’s and strive for even more power?
But this grief has also, for many of us, sparked a body filled rage and a deep feeling of solidarity, which has led to worldwide organising, marching, writing, making, singing and caring. Queer people all over the world stand united for Palestine, all contributing in our own way. Because how can we fight for our own freedom, if not to fight for the freedom of all?
Grief can be a catalyst for change, for liberation. Grief shows us where there is deep love and care, shining a light on what really matters.
And so we go on; we organise, we march, we create, we share, we sing, we write, we cry. And if we happened to have the privilege, we might also pause, take a breath. Because carrying the world on our shoulders, while we are also dealing with our own personal struggles and forms of grief, can be heavy.
All that grief, needs a place to rest, to be cared for.
And I believe community and earth care can help us do that.
Being in nature, surrounded by trees, by flowers, by the wind. Laying on our backs in the grass, watching a bird from outside our window, drinking a cup of homemade herbal tea. I believe these are all ways that the earth is caring for us. Letting us be for a second, in the moment, connected to the nature inside of us. Lifting some of the heaviness off our shoulders.
And, being in community, sharing about our feelings, creating something or going on an adventure together. Experiencing laughter, joy and sadness. These are all of the ways our community cares for us and vice versa. We don’t just build on each other in order to survive, we need each other in order to thrive.
Grief and joy and rest, they can co-exist in the same space. To me it is the only way to keep going. For Palestine, for queers all over the world, for our bodies, our loved ones, for the earth. We don’t want our grief to continuously swallow us whole, it needs a place to go.
To offer you some support in your process, whatever grief you might be going through at this moment, I’d like to share a beautiful zine that was made in collaboration with our friend and very talented zine-maker Jake Carruthers an herbal care zine for queer grief.
In this zine, you will find a selection of herbs that can help support your nervous system work with/through your grief. You will find a downloadable version of the handmade zine and how to fold it, at the bottom of this newsletter. You are free to print, distribute & share as you like.
We have created this zine for our Herbal Balm Workshop on Queer Grief last summer at Foam A’dam, that we hosted in collaboration with photographer ShuShu Sieberns.
It was a beautiful, fun event, held in the most magical garden, accompanied by a grief ritual and meditation guided by ShuShu.
If you joined us at the workshop, then you have ofcourse already received the zine.
If so, maybe take this as a moment to reflect on the transformation of your grief in the last couple of months. How is it showing up for you now? Is it any different than a couple of months ago?
Grief can take on so many different forms, it can feel rock hard, like a pit in your stomach, or soft like a gentle wave. It can take up all of you, or only show up at certain moments or seasons. However you are experiencing it, just observe what might be different. Not in forms of good or bad, but just what is.
And maybe ask yourself:
How can I care for that part of me, right now?
What does my grief need in this moment?
For me, the grief I feel for my grandmother, my Nana, who passed away 5 years ago, has been showing up more since the air has changed into Autumn.
The days are colder, light is different, the leaves are already changing. She passed away on the 23rd of September, the very beginning of the fall. On the day before she died, I went into the forest and whilst standing there, surrounded by the light, the smells, the trees, I felt so cared for. The forest felt like a gentle hug and a moment to look back on the beautiful relationship I had with my grandmother. Her presence was like a strong tree, feeding me, caring for me, when everything around me fell apart, she was always there. I felt so thankful for being there, visiting the forest close by and being able to spend time with her on her last days.
Standing there, among the trees, the light shining through the coloured leaves, the sweet earthy smell of fallen tree trunks making their return to soil, I remember thinking; “what a beautiful season to die.”
So at the start of this fall, grief comes back in waves for me. Much more gentle than they were when she first left, not so much less, just different. I might miss her even more now that time goes on, as my life changes, knowing she won’t be apart of that. At least in person. Because I always feel her presence when I’m outside, in the forest, when I look at the trees, at the light, at leaves falling.
Now my favorite season and my favorite person have been merged together into one.
I wanted to share this story with you, because for me grief and nature go hand in hand. The earth can care for us, and we can learn so much from her. About grief, about letting go, but also about fighting back. Whatever way it is showing up, I believe that being with/in nature can always help support us.
We hope you enjoy the zine and feel inspired to create something caring for yourself and others with it, or maybe just to go outside and let the earth take care of you.
You deserve to be taken care of.
And remember: herbal/earth care doesn’t have to be complicated in order for it to be valuable. Making a simple herbal tea, or just being in nature can have a really great effect on your body and mind. As long as you do it with intention and care.
If you have any questions regarding the herbs in the zine (or anything else for that matter), please feel free to send us an email or message on Instagram.
With love and in solidarity,
until we are all free.
Toyah & Mandy
Garden of Queerdom